Dark Clouds

The toughest thing is not yourself. No, you never doubt your commitment and dilligence. You used to doubt your competence, but thats history. You're quite sure, at the end of the day, it will be a job well done. The question is, at what expense?

The circumstance you're in puts you in a very poor position. You struggle to stand on both feet. You cant give everyone immediate attention at all times, its just not possible. The people around you, the one closest to you, probably the ones that give you the most comfort are the ones who put you in the most difficult shoes. Thy empathise with you, but no one really knows what you're in. Thy always seems to forget, that you're a wounded soldier crucified in the middle of an eternal bloodshed.

At times, you wish you're all alone, that you can go through these tenacious and endless waves of blitzkriegs with zero apprehension.

Peace at heart is long overdued but the anguish inside you,
shall not leave.

The twister(s) ... the war looms ahead...

No, im not dead... Just busy, or lazy, whichever you find more suitable..

Twist 1:
After my exertions in the first special semester, I was kept really busy with something I once said I'll never do... UROPS. I dont really know what UROPS stands for, i never bothered to find out, and i dont think i ever will. Anyhow, UROPS is a research module meant for undergraduate students. I suppose the purpose of UROPS is to expose students to first hand research experience, which will be helpful for those who are doing honors/post graduate studies, or for those who arent sure if they're keen to continue with honors.

In the past, emails regarding UROPS are always met with a click, and it goes into the 'deleted items'. I've always been aware UROPS will take up alot of time, and its pretty demanding. With my need to maintain my 2nd upper and tuition commitments to consider, UROPS will prob be the last thing on my agenda. Yet, im going back on my words...

Why and how????

Well, u can say im kindda pursuaded by my current mentor, who happens to be my teaching assistant in special sem. I was just casually taking to him about post graduate studies when he told me his lab is looking for singaporeans who are keen to take up post graduate studies. The lab is keen on breaking the monopoly of chinatown and little india in post graduate trading. I was convinced of the need to start early as learning the techniques will prob take 1/2 year. Its especially important when Im keen to finish with more than an honors.

Hence, my journey has taken its first step. I wasnt disappointed about the workload, it was incredible! There're just so many things to do! Initially, i felt like crap, and super sianz. With time, im slowly getting used to life in the lab. Things are done faster and im prob a little happier. Most fortunately, my mentor is extremely nice and understanding to my demanding tuition schedule.


Twist 2:
I took up special sem simply because it'll be alot easier on me to handle both tuition and studies simultaneously. I was eyeing a comfortable 4 modules/sem to breeze through my remaining 2 years of undergraduate.

Another conversation with my mentor - another twist.

Im going to jam pack myself like sardines and aim to finish within 1.5 years. 1/2 year is alot, esp when we had to go through 2 greeny years. Doing post grad will prob take another 3.5 -4 years. Simply put, i dont have much time, I'll be an old man when i start getting my CPF. I'll take that 1/2 year.

The War:
Next sem, it'll be an unprecedented 6 modules, of which 5 is chem modules. (faintz). I used to think my toughest sem was over last sem. Now, i think it could well be the most challenging semester ever. The mere thought of it raises my heart beat to more than 100 beats / min. Not forgetting that i have to teach on 3 weekdays and 1 weekend, ( and i'll neveeeer ever give up working out), I'll struggle with every ounce of energy left.

Im 8 days away from a brand new semester. Im not sure if im looking forward to it.