The war is finally over...
The sweet melody of relaxing piano classics envelops my room as i blog this entry. Its the first time in many many months that i experience this feeling - the feeling of care free, and the exuberance of not being bounded by any worries. Im yet to experience alot in life, but the past few months has been the most exhuasting and difficult days in my entire 20 over years.
This persuit of excellence in education is a long and tiring journey. The amount of stress that has mounted over the past few months is incredible. No single day has passed without worries. Weekends and holidays are never rest days. In fact, i absolutely hate weekends. While my fellow friends and buddies have the luxury of time off to go out or catch up on their school work, I need to spend the entire weekend working. It really doesnt help when im struggling really hard to compete with the elites. Sometimes i feel like f**k and that life really sux to the max. Many a time i looked at my friends who doesnt have to work, i really do envy them. They only need to concentrate on their studies. I have the additional worry of where my money is coming from for my next meal.
Over this sem, i learnt 2 things :
1) When im a dad, I'd not let my children study and work together. Working adults complain about working life, students complain about study life. how about adding both together?... I'll give him enough money for him to be comfortable. Its optional for him to work during holidays or take up a little tuition to understand that earning money is not easy, but I'll never want him to go through what im doing. It sucks. As parent, i'd want to minimize the burdens of my children. "Just focus on your school work and do me proud" will be my words to my kids.
2) Ive since come to realise that there is such a thin line between success and failure at this level. I dare say i worked really hard this sem. Reaally really hard. If you witness the amount of time my friends and i spent studying, you'll admire our determination and stamina. Yet, the 5th paper ended today, landing me with absolute uncertainty. The paper was so tough that i think i could barely pass. One poor grade and my overall CAP will be very much affected. Its a dangerous game, and i could only hope god will be touched by my efforts.
It adds more stress to me that i have to maintain my 2nd upper grade to qualify for post graduate scholarship. I barely reached that level last sem, and even a slight drop in marginal grades could push me out of this region. In short, there is no room for error. One big mistake and all could be gone.
I can go on for days and months non stop, but i think i really need to thank a few people who has been instrumental in my life.
1) My darling and very very potential wife. She has been absolutely understanding to my demanding schedule. Meetings were scacre and conversations sometimes short. Yet, she never complained. In fact, she'd come to my work place on sundays just to take train home with me and then go home by herself, so that we can have that extra 1 hour together. (lets bear in mind she stays in lake side while i stay in woodlands) Im touched by her altrusim and love. She shares my passion for excellence and tries her very best to calm me down whenever im feeling stressed or frustrated with the kind of life im undergoing. Full marks to her. Im glad i can finally spend alot more time with her. Seems like alot of making up for me to do, but im looking forward to it.
2) My parents. We dont talk very much these days as im hardly at home. ( i spend more time in library than at home, and for most of the time when i reach home, its about time to sleep) Yet, i know they're very proud of me and always supporting me. And my grandmother, who is always very concerned about me.
3) My good friend, CK aka Toh sha bao. He has been really kind to fetch me to school and back home everyday. If not for his kind generosity, I'd have to squeeze with all the morning commuters.
4) The rest of farking 6 members, Jeff, Kelvin, YY and Weiliang (btw, weiliang is a new entry, it used to be farking 5) for all the company and consulations whenever im in doubt. If not for all of them, studying and understanding concepts would have been much tougher. Not forgetting the siao char bo xiu yan. although i still believe she is a siao char bo, i cant deny her presence adds more fun and interest to our study group.
5) the table soccer machine aka foosball. Although it has consumed alot of our one dollar coins (chik kors), we're always looking forward to playing table soccer and unwinding after a hard day of work. really cannot team with jeff, he'll peng satay throughout the game and score some very taigo goals. When he scores tai go-ly, he says he's a good striker, and the satay works. When he makes 3 saves which my grandmother can do likewise, he calls himself a good goalkeeper. wtf?
6)All my other friends whom ive neglected over the past few months. Guys, really sorry to be unable to keep up with all of you, hope you'll be understanding and forgiving to me. Will try my best to meet up with all of you real soon.
Wow, what a long entry.. think i shall continue writing some other time...
This persuit of excellence in education is a long and tiring journey. The amount of stress that has mounted over the past few months is incredible. No single day has passed without worries. Weekends and holidays are never rest days. In fact, i absolutely hate weekends. While my fellow friends and buddies have the luxury of time off to go out or catch up on their school work, I need to spend the entire weekend working. It really doesnt help when im struggling really hard to compete with the elites. Sometimes i feel like f**k and that life really sux to the max. Many a time i looked at my friends who doesnt have to work, i really do envy them. They only need to concentrate on their studies. I have the additional worry of where my money is coming from for my next meal.
Over this sem, i learnt 2 things :
1) When im a dad, I'd not let my children study and work together. Working adults complain about working life, students complain about study life. how about adding both together?... I'll give him enough money for him to be comfortable. Its optional for him to work during holidays or take up a little tuition to understand that earning money is not easy, but I'll never want him to go through what im doing. It sucks. As parent, i'd want to minimize the burdens of my children. "Just focus on your school work and do me proud" will be my words to my kids.
2) Ive since come to realise that there is such a thin line between success and failure at this level. I dare say i worked really hard this sem. Reaally really hard. If you witness the amount of time my friends and i spent studying, you'll admire our determination and stamina. Yet, the 5th paper ended today, landing me with absolute uncertainty. The paper was so tough that i think i could barely pass. One poor grade and my overall CAP will be very much affected. Its a dangerous game, and i could only hope god will be touched by my efforts.
It adds more stress to me that i have to maintain my 2nd upper grade to qualify for post graduate scholarship. I barely reached that level last sem, and even a slight drop in marginal grades could push me out of this region. In short, there is no room for error. One big mistake and all could be gone.
I can go on for days and months non stop, but i think i really need to thank a few people who has been instrumental in my life.
1) My darling and very very potential wife. She has been absolutely understanding to my demanding schedule. Meetings were scacre and conversations sometimes short. Yet, she never complained. In fact, she'd come to my work place on sundays just to take train home with me and then go home by herself, so that we can have that extra 1 hour together. (lets bear in mind she stays in lake side while i stay in woodlands) Im touched by her altrusim and love. She shares my passion for excellence and tries her very best to calm me down whenever im feeling stressed or frustrated with the kind of life im undergoing. Full marks to her. Im glad i can finally spend alot more time with her. Seems like alot of making up for me to do, but im looking forward to it.
2) My parents. We dont talk very much these days as im hardly at home. ( i spend more time in library than at home, and for most of the time when i reach home, its about time to sleep) Yet, i know they're very proud of me and always supporting me. And my grandmother, who is always very concerned about me.
3) My good friend, CK aka Toh sha bao. He has been really kind to fetch me to school and back home everyday. If not for his kind generosity, I'd have to squeeze with all the morning commuters.
4) The rest of farking 6 members, Jeff, Kelvin, YY and Weiliang (btw, weiliang is a new entry, it used to be farking 5) for all the company and consulations whenever im in doubt. If not for all of them, studying and understanding concepts would have been much tougher. Not forgetting the siao char bo xiu yan. although i still believe she is a siao char bo, i cant deny her presence adds more fun and interest to our study group.
5) the table soccer machine aka foosball. Although it has consumed alot of our one dollar coins (chik kors), we're always looking forward to playing table soccer and unwinding after a hard day of work. really cannot team with jeff, he'll peng satay throughout the game and score some very taigo goals. When he scores tai go-ly, he says he's a good striker, and the satay works. When he makes 3 saves which my grandmother can do likewise, he calls himself a good goalkeeper. wtf?
6)All my other friends whom ive neglected over the past few months. Guys, really sorry to be unable to keep up with all of you, hope you'll be understanding and forgiving to me. Will try my best to meet up with all of you real soon.
Wow, what a long entry.. think i shall continue writing some other time...
posted by ~Will~ at 2:03 AM
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